[There's a comfortable couch to your left, a pile of reading material to your right, and a locked door across from you.]
Now admittedly this is extremely awkward AND you're (technichally) an uninvited guest, but since you're here, I might as well..
Welcome to my house! Also known as my 'room' in this website. You're not meant to be here, so don't blame me if things start to bug out.